1. A $32 Calvin Klein cotton bra. (Which, coincidentally, was the first training bra I owned. I am happily re-purchasing my training bra for three times the price at Urban Outfitters because of Kendall Jenner).
2. An $89 inflatable Pegasus pool float. I have no pool.
3. An Instax Mini. ELI5? I needed a Fisher Price camera so I could take tiny grainy photos, and then take good-quality photos of those tiny grainy photos, and then filter those good photos to make them look tiny and grainy. Fast forward to it tumbling out of my sister's bike basket the same day we bought it.
4. A $14 Compartés chocolate bar. I could make another listicle of 48 $2 Chocolate Bars that are better than a Compartés Chocolate Bar.
5. A bulldog.
6. $200 Frends headphones. One headphone stopped working after three months, but at least my bosses got a solid laugh out of the rose-gold pyramids sticking out the side of my head. May they RIP.
7. An ice cream sandwich bigger than my face. Ate half. Wished it were a Klondike.
8. An $18 magazine printed on card stock thicker than plywood. Spilled coffee on it.
9. A philodendron.
10. An absolutely beyond unstomachable butter coffee. And I've eaten a McLobster.
11. Those fucking gold foil balloons. $18 each. For shiny air-bags. Note how every Instagram birthday princess just stands there air-kissing the first letter of her name, like "my friends couldn't afford the other letters. And my name's Eva.")
12. Disgusting Beers in Pretty Cans
13. Disgusting Coffees in Pretty Cups
14. A waffle iron.
15. A Triangl bikini. Because pasting a neoprene film over your double-As is always a really flattering look.
16. A $45 Etsy bunting. (Can you cut triangles out of construction paper? Are you the proud owner of string?)
17. A $60 Dipytique candle.
18. A $12 Crayola-purple juice that tasted like unwashed beet.
19. A paddleboard yoga class.
20. A donut shaped like a cat.
21. A Pendleton blanket that feels like cozy cozy sandpaper.
22. An exposed brick wall.
23. A reclaimed barn wood wall.
24. Not one but two apartments with white walls, marble countertops and lofts.
25. A tiny baby owl.
26. A variety of macarons in ungodly flavours (‘Fig Newton’), just because the jewel tone complemented my dumb shellac.
27. Dumb shellac. (Papery nails and hand melanoma? For me?!)
27. Nike Frees.
28. This book.
29. A decrepit, doorless cabin with just enough woodsy charm to wrap up in aforementioned Pendleton blanket inside and munch on organic cacao nibs.
30. Organic cacao nibs.
31. A Brandy Melville crop top. (One size fits all size twos!)
32. An oxblood Linus with no gears, because logic.
33. A confetti gun.
34. Fairy Toast. (Be a grown-ass woman, or put rainbow sprinkles on your bread. You can't have both.)
35. Brunch on a fucking rug. We also refused a regular table and waited 45 minutes specifically to sit on said rug.
36. Three terrariums.
37. Fermented rose lemonade. Used in a sentence: "This fermented rose lemonade tastes just like rose lemonade that's been left out too long!"
38. A cheeseburger with grilled cheese sandwiches as buns.
39. A lime-green Volkswagen Westfalia. (Disclaimer: rented.)
40. Three nonsense-y slogan t-shirts (‘No Fun”, “Céline Dion”, “Kale”, et al.)
41. A body chain. Just FYI, these become infinitely less glamorous when they get caught on the door handle of a music festival Port-a-Potty.
42. A dumb fringy velvet kimono that shed everywhere and got stuck on everything. See above.
43. A Mai Tai with a tiny pink umbrella in a coconut shell (I hate rum).
44. Everything from the Mary Katrantzou x Adidas collection. I can't wait to wear my pastel doodle half-pleat skort literally nowhere.
45. Martinique wallpaper, in order to live in the Beverly Hills Hotel and also never learn from my mistakes.
46. An Olloclip. The photographic equivalent of lying about your lip injections ("Shot on iPhone 6! I Swear!").
47. A $300 room at the Thompson Hotel. SO glad we got to jump in their infinity pool the size and temperature of a Playmate cooler.
48. This Chia Seed Hydrator, a gelatinous, chunky water that “starts to sprout, giving it a slightly chewy texture.” And that was the moment she realized she would never, ever understand her own millennial subconscious.